You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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