Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
