My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you never un-have a 4some
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
