Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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