Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im holly from the hills drunk
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
