Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
