tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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