I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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