there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
