Got a toothbrush?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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