all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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