yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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