no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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