he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
