i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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