i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have post one night stand depression
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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