I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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