You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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