go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
