come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
