weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
