i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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