We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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