Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
