what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
