Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
