Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
