Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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