I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
