it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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