Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
