I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
