There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
