I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
one might say we're banned from that church
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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