Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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