my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
