my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
