her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
