my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize