I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
