she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
