where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
