Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
