dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I die, sorry about rent.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
