the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
