apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
