how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So squirting runs in the family.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
