After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
