I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
