I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
