i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just gargled with NyQuil
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
