i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
