That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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