soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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