you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
