im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
