Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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