I skipped work to stalk him.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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