The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
