i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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