porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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