god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
