Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize