and you said cock pushups were impossible
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He better not be in your backpack
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
