new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
