i permit you to call me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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