Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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