i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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