Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
