I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
