You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
