I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
