yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
